Smackdown May 23rd

Perhaps Smackdown could over achieve and give us something better than RAW this week, especially post Backlash. Everyone has been getting excited about the ratings for this show, which climbed from the previous episode. It's actually quite funny watching wrestling fans trying to hail this as a sign that Jinder can draw, while being oblivious to the fact that while the viewership may have indeed gone up from the previous weeks historically bad episode, they hadn't actually climbed to the mighty highs of the week before that (May 9th). So yeah, let's not crown Jinder the next Hogan just yet.

We start with a motorcade pulling up and out steps comedy heel Jinder Mahal, cheesing it up with some of the corniest facial expressions I've seen in years, complete with comedy heel nodding. Might have helped if WWE had not held the camera on him for so long, forcing him to just stand there nodding and grimacing like a prat for what seemed like an eternity.

Back in the ring, out comes Shane O'Mac. Randy will face Jinder at MitB... in front of his home crowd in St. Louis, so he's fucked then. I hate the MitB concept overall. The matches are ok, though usually descend into a bit of a cluster fuck with no story telling and just a mass of stupid spots. It's the idea that the winner can cash in the opportunity at any time, in any arena, that really bugs me. Just seems to cheapen the whole thing. How about just trying to build up someone as a legit number one contender for a change? Heaven forbid.

Shane rattles off the participants for the MITB match; Styles, Corbin, Zayn, Ziggler and... Owens? Nope. This is the interruption era, so someone has to do it and tonight Owens gets to be the one. His interruption seems dumb though, until you realise it's purely a bridge so they can do Nakamura's entrance properly. Love the fact that Nakamura gets in on this match despite having won just one match so far since arriving on Smackdown. How does that even work logic wise? All you have to do is win once and boom, now you're a title contender? Owens makes a good point about winning his match at Backlash but not getting in yet Styles is, and so Owens gets put in as well. I'd love it if he wins and ends up unifying the titles. It does make Shane look like a bit of an idiot though, that Owens had to call him out on his BS to get it corrected. 

Pass the parcel with the mic. Corbin sounds dead. Styles does ok. We're a quarter of an hour into the show and people are still talking. Finally Nakamura gets it and at least this time someone reminded him to take his mouthpiece out. As he finishes speaking we get a hard edit of the crowd noise (which WWE absolutely doesn't do...) as they were audibly taken up two notches (if you listen carefully you can literally hear the two stops where they went up). Corbin vs Zayn is set for later. Owens and Ziggler vs Styles and Nakamura for the main event, because WWE doesn't know how to book a main event that isn't a tag match right now. Prepare for a million meaningless combinations of these six for the next four weeks as Smackdown mirrors RAW. At least, after 20 fucking minutes, this segment is about to end.

Jobber entrance for Natalya and Carmella after the break. Charlotte comes out by herself, Becky brings Naomi, as WWE continues to lay the ground work for either Charlotte or Becky to turn. Thankfully Becky has fixed her hair since Backlash, though we're now getting basically just a short version of the Backlash women's match, minus two of its participants. Carmella is still the smoothest "WWE style" worker. As an example if you watch her in comparison to the other ladies when she does a headlock she keeps her chest up, back straight, face up for the cameras. I suspect Vince would be salivating in the back seeing that kind of thing. The down side is she seems to be suffering a case of the Kelly Kellys when it comes to running the ropes and her strikes look a bit pooh. Has more personality than most though. A rough diamond perhaps? Unfortunately she eats the pin (well submission), but at least Becky gets to do something relevant so it's not all bad.

Corbin vs Zayn next and neither guy gets an entrance. Cue a ridiculous, momentum killing, bullshit finish after just a few seconds as Zayn gets the roll up win. Having a complete jobber like Zayn pin Corbin like that is beyond fucking stupid. Yes he beat him up afterwards, which WWE probably thinks makes it ok, but it doesn't. You just shit all over one of your talents and made him look like a complete dick. It's utterly unacceptable. If I was Corbin I would have kicked out immediately and refused to do the job like that. I'm almost certain at this point that Vince Russo is helping WWE in a creative capacity. Only someone like him could have pitched an idea that fucking dumb. As a result I loved watching Corbin go to town on Zayn afterwards, despite Corbin being the heel. It felt like he was taking his legitimate frustration out on Zayn.

Cut to Styles and Nakamura meeting backstage. Styles does all the talking for the most part until the end. Nakamura talking actually helps him as it makes him seem less like he should be sectioned under the mental health act. Fashion files follows, meh. Breezango will have singles matches vs the Usos later. Yay....

Next is Mahal's coronation. I actually quite liked the dancers and the music. Then Mahal came out and ruined it. Mahal sounded like he had a sore throat. Mahal bores the crowd, then provokes them into a U-S-A chant at the end by speaking Punjabi. What are the odds Cena will come back eventually to take the belt from Mahal? Same shite Lana promo follows. Then it's Jey Uso vs Tyler Breeze. 

While Jey cuts a promo on Tyler in the ring, Fandango gets up on the apron. Apparently Jimmy sees no potential risk in this and decides not to simply run around the ring and pull Fandango down. Fandango shoots his water pistol at Jey, which I'm pretty sure would constitute outside interference. But the ref lets it go and we get another ridiculous roll up win. How is that a person who's been beaten half to death can still kick out at 2, but a completely and utterly fresh guy gets pinned for three from a roll up? Because he was blinded you say? Ok, so why wasn't Breeze disqualified then? It's more Russo-esque booking and it's maddening to watch. I just can't believe how stupid WWE is at times. This is the sort of shit that put WCW out of business and nearly killed TNA.

Breezango's whole gimmick is stupid and the fact that die hard fans love it just proves how far modern wrestling has fallen from the original, hugely popular tree. It's ridiculous and a joke. But to make matters worse the "gansta" Usos allow a ref to stop them sliding out of the ring and taking Breezango to town right there and then. Can you imagine Arn Anderson and Tully Blanchard doing that? The Acolytes? The Dudley Boys? The Legion of Doom? And people wonder why wrestling has such a lousy reputation. 

Jimmy next vs Fandango. Tyler enters the ring after running around it and somehow Fandango doesn't get disqualified? Then Jimmy gets pinned with a roll up despite having taken no offense yet either. Fuck this company. It just perplexes me how this got past any kind of approval stage. How on Earth did this booking plan not get shot down in a million, burning pieces? Not only has the ref now missed two DQs, putting heat on him, but the Usos had to sell two completely retarded finishes. Did Breezango not even protest this? Surely they must recognise the harm it could do and not want to do that to their fellow professionals? 

An impromptu tag match for the titles is set. The ref going off and talking in a headset is the only redeeming feature in all this as it gives WWE a great angle to work with in the future. I don't expect WWE to make any use of it, but at least we can dream. This whole sour episode is a shame because Breeze and Fandango can actually work quite well. This stupid gimmick does them no favours, it just cheapens their talents and it has no legs beyond a few cheap laughs. Usos pick up the win, rendering the whole thing redundant.

The interruption era moves backstage now as the ladies appear one by one out of the woodwork to interrupt each other. Shane books a fatal 5 way match to decide the number one contender for the women's title next week, because fuck me WWE loves a good bit of repeat booking. Imagination is clearly not a WWE strong point right now. 

Tag match main event is next and Nakamura doesn't even get his entrance, because why the fuck would you let a guy whose major selling point is his theme have his theme played? Nakamura's offense and selling is still indy-rrific. Ziggler also goes OTT and just comes off as a carny joke. How the mighty have fallen. Match looks completely fucking stupid end to end. Owens aside, it looks like a bunch of people who have never been in a real fight playing out what they think a fight looks like. Nakamura's finish looks like complete and utter shit. This is supposed to be the strong style guy that will have 5 star matches left, right and centre? Nakamura is currently Exhibt A as to why ROH marks should not be driving the direction of WWE.

Last production gripe for the week; leave it a few seconds after the victory before playing someones theme. Once heard the best description of WWE - think it was by Max Landis - as being a TV show about a wrestling show. It should look like a wrestling show. Which means the music shouldn't be cued up automatically. It should take a moment for someone to find it. Yes that's a finnicky sounding detail, but details are what make a good story and show. Think of how Saving Private Ryan would have turned out if Steven Spielberg's attitude to details had just been "fuck it". 

If this is the best Smackdown has to offer then this blog might not last much longer. I watch the two shows on a delay and have the benefit of being able to skip through the commercials and bullshit, but even I'm losing the will to watch them. The product now is just that bad. It's a sad state of affairs for a company that was once the king of Monday nights on cable. What has happened to wrestling?